shattered

 

A/N: Prank Number Six I borrowed from 100 Rules of Hogwarts. Sorry, I couldn’t pass it up. It’s a hilarious story, look it up!

Disclaimer: Me: Yes, yes, yes, Harry Potter is all mine!

Policeman: You are under arrest for copying Harry Potter!

Me: Do you not understand the meaning of sarcasm?

                                                            A Legacy of Trouble

“The Minister of Magic was on today,” remarked Hermione to the group of teenagers sprawled on the couch.

“On what?” enquired Harry lazily, playing with a Snitch he had snitched (pun intended) from heavens know where. “Radio or television?”

A blond Slytherin gave a snort. “Potter, the Minister of *Magic*. *Wizards.* *Muggle* television. Ring a bell?”

Harry scowled good-naturedly. “I keep forgetting wizards don’t have much television. Honestly, you’d think with magic they’d make a television that would never break or something  instead of ignoring something so wonderful.”

Ron Weasley looked from one to the other with a puzzled expression. “A what?”

Draco Malfoy rolled his eyes at the red head’s slowness. You’d think that if he was so good at chess he’d at least be quick on the uptake. “Television. The thing Muggles put wizard pictures on.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, that.”

“Doesn’t anyone want to know what he said?” asked Hermione with some asperity.

“Not exactly, Granger,” drawled Draco, closing his eyes and leaning back. “Not all of us find the need to gather and memorize every scrap of information on the planet.”

“Well, you’ll want to know this anyway,” said Hermione angrily as Harry and Ron snickered. “Professor McGonagall said she’s opening Hogwarts for the seventh years who missed classes because of the War. We’ll get a chance to take our N.E.W.Ts and graduate!”

Her information was not received with as much enthusiasm as it was delivered. “What?” groaned Harry.

“Blimey, I thought we were getting out of that!” cried Ron.

Even Malfoy, who Hermione had high hopes for, scowled slightly. “I suppose we should take them,” he said reluctantly.

“Have you gone bonkers, Malfoy?”asked Ron in amazement. “What, are you turning into a pseudo-Hermione now? Just what we need. Two study maniacs.”

Both Draco and Hermione scowled at him, and he gulped and retreated further into the sofa.

“We’re going,” said two simultaneous voice ominously.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        ***********************

“Oof!” Harry stumbled to the ground as Draco’s trunk smashed into him.

“Whoops, sorry, Potter,” said Draco without the slightest sign of sincerity.

“I’ll show you sorry,” growled a disheveled Harry, and swung his wand around. Instantly, millions of little canaries began flying at Draco, who skillfully evaded them—having had much practice—and shot a Bat Bogey Hex at Harry, who blocked it and was about to send a Jelly-Legs Jinx when Hermione rolled her eyes and huffed,

“Stop this at once! Honestly! Boys,” she muttered. “Harry, Malfoy, is this yours?” the two boys bent to look at the battered parchment, which looked as though it had seen better days.

“No parchment of mine would ever be in such a state,” sniffed the still fastidious Malfoy.

As this was probably true, Harry bent to examine the parchment.

“What’s this?” he said in surprise. “It looks like…”

“Here, lemme see,” said Ron. Draco and Hermione crowded around.

                                                To Whom It May Concern:

We hereby dedicate this parchment to any descendant of our legacy who decides to spend his time wisely by pranking any and every member of Hogwarts. If you are reading this, you must be a worthy successor, as we have charmed this parchment to reveal its secrets only to real tricksters. Here Ron snorted and nudged Harry, who was shrinking underneath Hermione’s cool stare. “Though I have to admit,” she said, “that is a very advanced charm.”
These are the list of tricks that we never had time or the money to do. We hereby bequeath the responsibility for alerting the Wizarding World to these magnificent pranks to you, and may you bear it well.

Sincerely, Fred and George Weasley.

Harry and Ron both grinned at this, so like the twins. Then their faces fell as they remembered they would never be able to twit the twins about this again. Fred had died in the Battle of Hogwarts, and George, his twin, had followed soon after, rapidly sickening after the loss of his companion.

“Read it,” said Malfoy quietly, as though he wanted to comfort them but didn’t know how. He had liked the twins as well.

“Let’s do it,” said Harry, looking up.

“Yeah,” said Ron.

They both looked at Hermione, the person who could ruin their plans. She knew what they expected her to say—no, don’t do it, no, you’ll get in trouble, Ron, you’re a prefect. But she looked at them. She looked at the silently urging Malfoy. She looked into space and saw the grinning faces of Fred and George. The world could do with a little more laughter, she thought, and said, “Go for it.”

Prank Number One: Write a love letter to Madam Pince, sign it with Filch’s name, and owl it to every Hogwarts student at breakfast.

Dear Pince, “no, that’s too formal,” said Hermione, chewing her quill.

“How would you know?” asked Ron.

“Textbooks aren’t the only books I read, Ronald,” she said, blushing.

“What’s this?” asked Draco in mock amazement. “The great Granger, actually admitting to reading something besides textbooks? What naughty novels have you been hiding?” he said, grinning. Heaving her Hogwarts, a History, at him, she snatched the parchment from Ron and began writing.

My dearest Pince,

You fill my every thought, waking or dreaming. Everytime I turn a corridor I hope to see you there. You are my rose, my…

“Bloody brilliant!” exclaimed Ron. “Now, to mail it to everyone…”

“WHO DID THIS?!” demanded a purple Filch. “WHO DID THIS? EXPLAIN YOURSELF!” the culprits wisely remained silent, and he stalked off, presumably to see a certain Madam Pince, glaring suspiciously at an all-to-innocent looking trio and a certain Slytherin.

Prank Number Two: Lock Draco and Hermione in a broom closet for an hour.

“I’m going to kill you guys!” screeched Hermione as she was shoved unceremoniously into the closet. “Ugh! It’s wet, and dirty, and my robes will get mussed, and I have homework…”

A heavy body was shoved in after her, and the door shut with a clang.

“Guys!” heavy pounding on the door. “Let us out! I mean it! Let us out! Let us—mmph!”

Quite a while later—“or not.”

Prank Number Three: Hand Ron a present and say it’s from Madam Rosmerta. The present shall be a beginner’s guide to chess.

“Sorry, Ron, you did not just read this. Obliviate!”

“Hey, Ron, Madam Rosmerta says to give you this!”

His face lit up. “Really? For me? Blimey, what is it?”

“…”

“A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO CHESS???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Prank Number Four: Trap Snape and McGonagall under an enchanted mistletoe.

“Who is responsible for this?” bellowed an irate Snape as he found himself unable to move further away from his colleague. “Detention! Potter, Weasley, Granger, Malfoy! I know it’s you!” he yelled.

“Severus, calm down,” reproached Minerva McGonagall. Then she, too, yelled, “Whoever is responsible for this malicious, promiscuous pranks shall be severely punished, I promise! Such lewd thoughts…”

She was cut off by a rather too passionate kiss, and after a startled pause, responded accordingly.

“Oh, ewwwwwww!” mumbled Hermione from around the corner.

“Yeah, Harry, mate, I think that might have been a bad idea,” muttered Ron.

Draco said nothing but, “I need to go see a psychiatrist…”

Prank Number Five: Smear catnip in the boy’s bathroom while Mrs. Norris is within range.

“MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!” came an ecstatic yowl as the hated cat came flying into the boys bathroom, desperate to get at the catnip.

Screams of panic came from the boys using the loo as the cat flew into the stall with them and leapt at the toilet, so desperate was she to get at the…delicious…catnip…

Filch was furious.

Prank Number Six: Everytime Draco and Hermione yell at each other, tell them to ‘get a room.’

“Ferret!”

“Bookworm!”

“Arrogant, stuck up git!”

“Insufferable know-it-all!”

“GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!”

*is tackled to the ground by two very irate teenagers*

Prank Number Seven: Slip Snape a Polyjuice Potion of Hagrid.

“All righ’, today yeh’ll be all makin’ a Potion called t’Draught o’ Livin’ Death.” Snape stopped short abruptly, hearing the wide brogue from his mouth. He frowned slightly. The facial gesture that had been so intimidating on the tall, hook-nosed Potion Master looked only ludicrous on the Half-giant, and the entire class burst into laughter.

Snape cocked his head. Then he looked down.

“DETENTION!”

“Blimey, mate,” said Ron, scrubbing the floor. “Snape always suspects us.”

Prank Number Eight: Accidentally on purpose smear chocolate on a book in front of Madam Pince.

“Okay, Potter,” said Draco in an undertone. “You are ready, right?” Harry nodded curtly. “All right, on the count of three, one, two, three!”

They had timed it perfectly. Madam Pince walked around the corner. Harry opened the book. Ron dropped a piece of chocolate. Draco stepped on the book and the chocolate and took off. Harry and Ron flung the besmirched book at the librarian and followed Draco’s wise example, Madam Pince’s berations ringing in their ears. “Desecration! Besmirching! Sacrilege!”

Hermione had wisely refused to take part in this enterprise, clutching her Hogwarts: A History protectively to her chest.

Prank Number Nine: Dress Draco up like a girl.

“Oh no you don’t,” said Draco, shaking his head firmly. “No, no, no. No, no, no, no—”

“Yes,” said Harry grinning maniacally. “Unless, of course, you want the whole school to know you own a pair of pink fluffy bunny slippers…”

“You wouldn’t!” said Draco, looking horrified.

“Try me.”

“Hey, you guys, we have a transfer student. Her name is Dramione.”

He had to admit, Draco made a pretty cute girl. “Hey,” he simpered in a breathy voice.

Harry doubled over to keep from laughing as Seamus and Dean got hard-ons right that moment.

Prank Number Ten: Get Ron to a) kiss Snape in the Great Hall b) declare his undying love to him and c) propose to him.

“No, no, no, no, no—”

“Payback is sweet…” sighed Draco.

“—no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—”

“Hermione, you will help us with Ron, right?”

“—no, no, no, no, no, no, no—”

“But how?”

“—no, no, no, no,no—”

“Easy, Granger, just tell him you won’t lend him your history notes unless he does.”

“—no, no, no, n—you wouldn’t!”

“Try me.”

“Okay, you guys, I have an announcement to make,” said a very red Ron. He then walked up to Snape and kissed him full on the lips! “Snape, IloveyouandIwantyoutomarryme,” he said in a rush, then ran out, his ears purple.

Prank Number Eleven, the Grand Finale: Change all the passwords to every House.

“Please, Terry?”

“But, ‘Mione,”

“Please? Study sessions…” she dangled.

“But I have homework tonight!”

“So?”

“I can’t afford to spent tonight in the hospital wing!”

“Please?”

“You owe me big time for this…”

“C’mon, Justin. Be a mate.”

“They’ll kill me!”

“I still don’t get the joke.”

“That’s because you’re a pureblood, Malfoy. Justin and I learned all about the Big Bad Wolf.”

***

“Ready, Malfoy?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

***

A great crowd of students complained that they could not get into the dorms. Headmistress McGonagall and Professor Snape, a glint in their eye, started out for the trio and the snake.

“Potter, Potter, the game’s up!” panted Draco. “They just found out!”

“All right, so I’ll get my Invisibility Cloak and…”

A horde of angry Slytherins rages underneath Draco as he perches on the Firebolt with an invisible Harry next to him. “All right, so the password is… GryffindorsruleandSlytherinssuck!” he yelled in one great breath before disappearing underneath the Cloak and zooming away to safety.

“SlytherinsruleandGryffindorssuck!” cried Harry before being whisked away by Draco.

“Ignoranceisbliss!” yells a nervous Terry before taking to his heels and running for his life to the Room of Requirement, where wait the other members of this their greatest prank.

“I’llhuffandpuffandI’llblowyourhousedown!” stutters Justin before he, too, runs to the Room of Requirement.

“That—was—bloody—brilliant!” chokes out Ron, collapsing on the sofa.

“Yeah,” said Harry sadly. “I just wish they could have been here to see it.”

“They would have liked it, Harry,” said Hermione softly.

“They would have been happy to know that you’ve got their ridiculous, irrepressible trouble-making instincts, Potter,” agreed Malfoy, giving comfort the best he could.

“Yeah,” said Harry, cheering up. “Did you see the look on Adrian Pucey’s face?”

“Or Pansy Parkinson’s?” giggled Hermione.

“Or Lavendar and Parvati?”

“Or—”

The door burst open. “Potter! Weasley! Granger! Malfoy! Come out at once!” said the stern voice of Minerva McGonagall. Cautiously, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco stepped out of the room…

To face a horde of angry Hogwarts students.

“Well, do you have anything to say for yourselves?” demanded the irate Headmistress.

Harry gulped and turned to the others. “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

                                                            FINIS